Welcome to my brain.
Honestly, it's weird in here.
Hello. In lieu of a well-paid career as a public intellectual, I am launching a newsletter. Imagine me at an antique desk strewn with papers and my typewriter, smoking a cigarette, looking out my window onto the dark, roiling sea whilst I think about books and my children and the state of the fucking world, in a house like this.
(The only body of water within view of my home is Echo Park Lake and I write in my bed, as I prefer lying down to sitting. Also, I “quit” smoking before I had kids.) Anyway — I’ll just jump in.
What I’m Reading
The first book I finished this year was How to Tell When We Will Die by Johanna Hedva. According to the publisher, Hedva “draws from their experiences with America’s byzantine healthcare system, and considers archetypes they call The Psychotic Woman, The Freak, and The Hag in Charge. Hedva offers a bracing indictment of the politics that exploit sickness—relying on and fueling ableism—to the detriment of us all.”
I can certainly say this was not the most cheerful book I’ve ever read. Hedva talks about their chronic pain, their struggles with poverty, and their history of trauma. There’s a lot of critical theory in here, some of which is helpful and some of which feels like a very precious term paper. The best parts of the book were when the author talked about the relationships between disability, care, and money. The worst parts were about astrology, which the author turns to often to explain aspects of their personality.
Overall: Definitely worth reading, particularly if you give a shit about disabled people and their lives. Feel free to skip the essays about kink if you get squeamish - I skimmed as fast as I could because I do not like to read about fisting.
What You Should Read
2025 is already the worst year, so I feel confident in prescribing some books as medicine.
If you want to sort of check out but also acknowledge the vile cultural moment in which we live: The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley, which mixes time travel, romance, and a delicious takedown of colonialism.
If you want to get angrier: Entitled by Kate Manne. Really, read everything she writes. She’s a philosopher who somehow manages not to be obtuse or pedantic. Good for her! She writes about misogyny, rape culture, male privilege — all the juicy shit.
What You Should Listen To:
Honestly, in a time where a serial sex pest who deposits bear carcasses in Central Park is somehow on the path to confirmation as the Health Secretary of the entire fucking country, I think we should all turn toward DATA, reason, and humor. There’s no other option. Therefore, I submit that you should listen to my favorite podcast, Maintenance Phase.
The whole deal is that the two hosts tackle diets, pseudoscience, anti-fatness, etc. Sounds bleak but it’s legitimately funny, and one of the hosts, Aubrey Gordon, has the best laugh I’ve ever heard besides my son. It keeps me sane to hear these two people taking on societal “truths” and exposing how flawed/prejudiced/patriarchal they are. Some favorite episodes:
The Myers-Briggs Personality Test
Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar (this one is WACKY)
What I’m Excited about in February:
The Strange Case of Jane O. by Karen Thompson Walker
Stone Yard Devotional by Charlotte Wood
Wood wrote a book called The Natural Way of Things that has stuck in my brain like barbed wire since I read it. If you’ve been TikTok-influenced to read I Who Have Never Known Men, which is SO good, this should be your next pick. This is the book that convinced me that kangaroos are scary.
This goofy show:
Look, it’s very silly. Has Lost vibes in that you think you’re getting a straightforward drama but then there’s a speculative twist. I’ve watched and enjoyed the first two episodes, and my husband consents to watching it with me, so that’s a win. The second episode prominently features the song “We Built This City on Rock and Roll,” like a “haunting” slow version, and it was so cheesy and entertaining.
My daughter’s school is holding meetings to educate people about how to deal with/resist ICE agents. I love this so much. I’m not sure what her school’s undocumented population is, but I assume it’s non-zero, and it’s good to know that the administrators, teachers, and parents are all going to work hard to keep them safe.
Butterfingers. My husband got me a Halloween-sized bag of mini Butterfingers and I can’t wait to eat all of them.
A Pop Culture Moment that I Can’t Stop Thinking About:
Kanye’s wife’s outfit at the Grammy’s. I’m not linking to it because it makes me uncomfortable, and I’ll tell you why. If you haven’t seen the dress, it’s literally a completely sheer tube. You can see her full nude body. NOTHING is covered. I cannot speak to their dynamic as husband and wife, nor to her own sexual proclivities, so who knows if he “made” her wear it or if she genuinely considers what she wore to be a “garment.”
One gal in my collage class yesterday said, Hey, maybe she’s an exhibitionist. Which is fine, I guess, if you’re exhibiting yourself to willing watchers. But I was not willing! I was merely living my internet life, looking at celebrity outfits as is my wont. Seeing her in that outfit made me feel like I was being forced to participate in an elaborate sex game that I had not consented to.
I guess I feel like, how would this conversation be different if she were a man? It would feel aggressive and creepy, right? It just gives me a weird stomach feeling and clothes shouldn’t do that, unless you’re Lady Gaga in a meat dress. Ugh. Anyway, women should wear whatever they want, always, but there’s gotta be a loophole for “outfits” that evoke non-consensual erotic games. Rights?
That’s all for now. See you next week.
Nina